That being said, I think most people who believe strongly about religion go too far to the other extreme. They try their best to control and/or monitor their children, but end up sheltering them from reality. They are often afraid to talk about it, both with their children and their peers. I've heard many stories of Christians feeling uncomfortable talking to their mate about their desires and/or ashamed of expressing themselves in bed. People, sex is a wonderful part of life. It's ok to have these desires of the flesh and to fulfill them inside of a marital relationship, as long as both partners are willing. It also needs to be taught to your children at some point, before marriage. It is not something to be ashamed of, or that needs uncompromising avoidance. Now go and express yourself! It's ok!
About Men (for women):
What I am about to say should be obvious. We (men) are
primarily visually stimulated. For some reason God instilled in us
a desire for the appearance of flesh. As pathetic as it might be,
we are wired this way. Men can have sex with just about any women
who is attractive. We don't have to like her personality or her mind,
just her looks. The only reason we wouldn't is because the fear of
the consequences overrides the desire. These include moral and emotional
guilt, consideration for your spouse and family, unwanted pregnancy, sexually
transmitted diseases (STD's), etc. Need further proof? Look
at the incredible success of the pornography industry. They're just
images folks, but men all over the world are masturbating to them.
Or what about the prostitution industry? How many "Johns" ask about
the IQ or hobbies of the hooker before he beds her (don't worry, I have
never had any personal experience with this). You might call it shallow
or sad, but no matter what you think of it, these are the facts.
This doesn't mean that an unattractive woman cannot be loved. If
she has a nice body (meaning in good shape, not necessarily big breasted,
tall, or other traits that she cannot control) and personality, it is highly
likely that she will find the man of her dreams. This also doesn't
mean that a visually attractive woman can easily find and keep the man
of her dreams, because after the initial attraction wears off, then even
us shallow men want someone who we can talk to and spend enjoyable time
with. Note that this page is primarily about sex though, not the
rest of the relationship.
Yes, I have met girls whom I didn't give a second glance to at first, but ended up really liking once I got to know them. I have also liked and even asked to date a girl who had several birth defects (spinabifida and some kind of circulation disorder causing the amputation of one of her legs beneath the knee). I'm just trying to demonstrate that looks and good health aren't the most important thing in the world, but when it comes to sex, it's close.
To heavy women who say that their mate should "love me for who I am". I say bull$--t! This is a pathetic cop out for laziness. It is equivalent to a man sitting on the couch all day waiting for some woman who will "love me for who I am" because he's too lazy to make something of himself besides a couch potato. Getting fat isn't something that "happens" either. It's something that you let happen, even if it's slowly but surely, meal by meal. It's a simple formula folks: Fat = Calories - Activity. The more you eat, the more you have to burn, through exercise or whatever, to not gain additional fat. If you don't have time for exercise, then you only need to eat less than you burn in order to lose weight.
Would I still love my wife if she got fat? Yes, but I wouldn't be as sexually attracted to her. Sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's not a choice or a decision that I can make or just change my mind about. Knowing that men are primarily visually stimulated, to get fat would mean that she just doesn't care enough about my needs and desires to try to stay fit. The point isn't that she has to be Ms. Fitness USA, but that she puts forth the effort. Oh, and being pregnant doesn't count as fat.
About Women (for men):
I tried to get my wife to write this section, lest I completely miss
the mark, but she hasn't shown any interest in doing so.
So if anyone else with a woman's perspective wants to give me some
input for this section, feel free to email it to me.
First though, I'm going to try to see things from a woman's point of
view and write it as such:
If woman like sappy movies, romance novels, flowers, and mushy stuff like that, then how hard is it to figure out that we like romance? That's what gets our juices flowing. Make us feel special, beautiful and loved and we'll give you the world! Treat us as beautiful as gold and diamonds, yet as gentle and delicate as flowers.
More to be added later, pending the wife's or someone else's participation.
Sex
and Marriage:
I must say that married sex is wonderful. I'm not proud of
the fact that I wasn't a virgin before I got married, but it is through this
fault that I am able to make a stark contrast between the experience of married
and pre-marital sex.
The differences are as follows:
For me there was religious guilt associated with pre-marital sex, with a nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that what I was doing was wrong, which made it significantly less enjoyable. When having married sex I can thoroughly enjoy the experience free of guilt.
After having pre-marital sex, there was a significant drop in my emotional feelings for the other person. I have also confirmed this occurrence with several other men, who say that the exact same thing happened to them before marriage. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it is normal to look at your partner afterward and think "I could do better than that". With married sex though, there is a feeling of joy and satisfaction with pleasing each other. The best word to describe it is that it's more fulfilling.
There is a greater sense of trust and openness about sexuality with your spouse. The best explanation that I can come up with is that you can be free to express yourself without worrying that he/she won't accept you, or your odd preferences and ideas.
I found an interesting quote (and good advice) from an article about sex and marriage: "Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day."